Begin again

Begin. Again. Begin, again. Begin again. 

I’m currently on day 18/40 for a “40 days of yoga” practice. The thoughts, “begin again,” have whispered towards me during this past week. There is comfort in knowing that no matter what has happened, how things are going in my life, I can always return to the sacred space on my mat to begin my practice again, and again.

There is a small amount of pressure I feel right now because this month, January 2021, well, there’s a few organizations accepting art submissions. So, naturally my drive to succeed has pushed me to try creating more pieces, paintings. And that’s just not how it works, is it? I’m learning that the flow of it; the flow of creativity, must be natural and intuitive. Leaning into a natural flow where, “trying,” isn’t the aim of the task… Well, it’s hard for me! Over the years I’ve developed an unhealthy habit of over-achieving to try and prove to myself (?and others) that I am worthy of something.

Art doesn’t tolerate that. Which is why I love it! And to be consistent and practice, I am learning that I also need to let go of these unhealthy habits in order to feel true within myself and allow the natural, intuitive process of creating come out. Rigidity is evoked in my art when I constrain myself. I’m sure others experience this?

So, I have been working on a painting. There was a lot of intention behind it. Now, I think it has gone to shit. I feel stifled. I feel dissatisfied and frustrated. So, I gave it a break. I’ve taken some time off to prep other canvasses. It has also given me time to look at the composition to see what’s possible, to develop ideas for how to move forward with it. Perhaps feeling this space from it is to help me realize that I am not constrained by the past composition, but that I can begin again from a new vantage point.

Talk about the theme of my week!

I even saw these words along the spine of a book in the home of my occupational therapy client. I find it creepy but also reassuring when these types of things happen. Like, I can’t avoid it then. This message, “begin again,” must be something to understand a bit deeper when I start to see the written words for this message in different aspects of my life.

There is so much learning that happens on my mat, during/around my yoga practices. So far, the onus to maintain a consistent practice for 18/40 days has shown me a lot about myself. The yoga always translates to other aspects of my life. I believe the lessons are universal. Even with resistance, excuses, self-criticism, I can always begin again by coming back to it… Coming back to my mat. Coming back to my canvas.

The beauty of life is that we always have a chance to begin again at anything we want, whether it’s a yoga practice, creative practice, a certain type of exercise, or revisiting old relationships. Begin again. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Try believing it.