Mom thoughts

It’s so easy to stay home [instead of going somewhere] when you have a dog, toddler, and a baby.

I can’t hear myself think. Sometimes for days before I am able to reflect. And then I am sucked back into the silo of noise and demands and songs and cries and questions.

The rattling groceries carts being pushed across the lot.

The rattling grocery carts being pushed across the lot.

The rattling.

The rattling.

I’m at the point where I’m not even nice anymore.

I don’t want to go downstairs. I don’t want to go outside. I don’t want to be here. Can I just have a one way ticket to somewhere, please?

Can I just have a one way ticket to anywhere, please?

I don’t want to be here. Anywhere but here.

And as I wipe the puke off of my leg. I wonder how many other moms are doing the same. Except maybe wiping puke from the floor. Their shirt. The couch. Or changing their entire outfit like I’ve had to do before.

Peeling the warm wet fabric off of my skin to remove the sour odour. And what comes first before this, is the wonder and concern about whether the baby is ok.

And I forgot to get yogurt. The only food my toddler will eat.

To all the self-care, yoga/meditation, Ayurveda promoters. You’re clearly not cognisant of the natural struggle of parents. And perhaps your teachings blame real struggles that can’t be mitigated solely on the individual.

This one time, I showered and washed my hair and it felt like a huge refreshing achievement. How have I come to this?! It’s only temporary…

Yes, I’ll have more coffee.

Trying to complete a single task. That would only take me less than one minute, like putting in a load of laundry, takes 45 minutes. Why.

So I stop. I freeze. Why. Why try and there is so much resistance. So much patience tested. For a task that was a chore to begin with.

Sometimes there are glimmers of positivity. Like, I remember how having clean laundry helps me feel grounded, refreshed, able to start my day on a positive note.